when i remember

"When you're dreaming with A broken heart
      The waking up is the hardest part"
                          -John Mayer (Dreaming With A Broken Heart)

feel so lousy to say so, but that's sadly true...

since because of this song, I remember somebody.
somebody who like to make riddles,
somebody who has a really different way of thinking,
somebody whose mind is wider than anyone I ever known,
somebody whose always looked formal,
somebody whose very clingy,
somebody who use to love me (or kinda).
KASD

I'm sorry to remember your existence in my world.
I'm sorry to remember our pasts.
I'm sorry if you know, that I... am... missing. You.
You.
  Your riddles,
    Your words,
      Your smartness,
        Your difference,
          Your style,
            Your habits,
              Your confidence,
                Your intimidation,
                  Your anything... to me.

I am not so missing him, though... It's just a sudden feeling.
A sudden feeling to be loved.
To be loved by somebody else than me, myself, and my world.
I think I'm done with my world...

At least... I want somebody else in my world.
I know he can't. And he never did.
But in the next days, weeks, months, or years,
I want somebody who want to enter my world
Feel my world
Live in my world
Stay in my world
and Die in my world.

I'm not asking too much.
Like what he said years ago
       "To live in your world needs my whole energy...
    To live in your world means I've got to leave mine...
To live in your world is... the most challenging part in my life...
            It seems like I can't go to your world...
           But honesty, I'm too afraid to go there...
               It's too different, too dangerous.
                          Too much you..."

Don't try if you can't stand it...
and don't ask me to ask you to stand it.
I've never asked.
That's why I'm waiting.